14 April, 2011

“Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.”

I'm so glad life is back to being surprising again.
Over the past few months so much as changed, and I've learned to love the unexpected gifts that have crossed my path.
It was the kind of thing where I had to make a choice: do I stay where I am and not give myself a chance- or do I say, "Screw it" and start living?
It's an easy enough answer- if you have the right resources.... I was just lucky I had what I needed to grow.
Some pretty rad things have been happening lately; things that I would never even hope to expect, that I just don't want to take for granted- or at the same time, doubt that they are really happening. Some things seem too good to be true.
I've always been a dreamer, an unabashed romantic. I wear my heart on my sleeve- and really, aren't you glad you know what's up with me? I'm not a tricker.
I'm pretty stoked on my emotions. (I can't even believe I'm saying that)
Finally!
I mean it sucks feeling bad all the time. Who wants that?
I have hidden myself away for a quite awhile; I gave the power of how I was feeling to people who didn't deserve it. I think it's a really good thing when you realize what has happened and how you can fix it... if someone has broken your heart, or just really been a total asshole to you, it's hard to not let it get to ya and wreck your head.
I'm not gonna lie, it has taken awhile...
but letting go of that bullshit has left me with an open space for good stuff to fill up that now willing vacancy.
Feeling hopeful used to scare me. It still feels risky sometimes.
I used to feel that if something marvelous happened, it meant oooh jeeeze, what's gonna happen now?? An UGH moment.
I'm over that style. That style is lame and can suck it.
I intend to embrace a new style of believing. Changing your brainwaves is tricky, but some things scream at you until you realize it! This is the kind of thing you just have to leap in and ride the waves.
I'm paying attention to signs, and some of them are just undeniable.
Samuel Johnson has got it right: the unexpected can deliver the most beautiful joys in your life- it's just being open to them. From here on, that's the style I'm gonna be. It's not expensive, and it feels really gud.

1 comment:

AJ said...

Well said...well said. I can relate.