08 January, 2014

Rent Increase Optimism.

Another new year has begun, and along with it comes a lot of adjustments and deep thoughts about my life... the things that work and the things that need to change.
2013 was pretty amazing in a lot of ways- always ups and downs, but some really cool, unexpected adventures and beautiful moments were savored. As I journey into this new year, I'm hoping for more consistency in my life- especially (and not surprisingly) the things that make me truly happy. Isn't that what we all want?

 I opened my eyes to January 1, 2014 in Santa Cruz, California.
I was cozy and warm beside a hanging fireplace and the sound of the ocean in the distance was a beautiful symphony for my ears. I was with good friends and I felt hopeful. I opened up my journal and began to write about what I want in my life this year, and to work for in the future. Living in the moment is how I have had to live ... being an artist means unpredictable income and a lot of struggle. Stress. I don't know how many times I have said this- but things have to change this year!
I came home from Santa Cruz on January 2. Walked in my door, dropped my bags and saw an envelope on the floor.
From the Landlord.
Oh. Shit.

Yes, my rent has been raised. $22. Not much you say? To me it is huge, and it snapped me out of my optimistic state real fast. After that moment, I was pretty much pessimistic about everything, and all the other things I have to take care of really overwhelmed me. Change has got to come.
These are the times I feel really alone and helpless- because when you work really hard for a lot of years, and still have to do the things you don't want to do so you can live your dream.... it can be terribly soul crushing. 
While this has all been infiltrating me and distracting me from simple tasks, like... remembering to eat, I have been reminded of the kindness of others. Now, I am an emotional person. In fact, I am too emotional and I don't really like it about myself, but that's just me and I have to deal with it. Sometimes when people are kind to me, I can't take it-  I am so moved by it.  I am so very thankful for the reminder that the world isn't bad all the time.
I don't like to ask for help.  If I share my circumstances it embarrasses me because I feel like I should be so much further along than I am... I am a grown adult, aren't we supposed to have our shit together?
But I digress.
The kindness that has recently been blowing my mind is from the people in my life who innately know the way to help me not be so stressed. It could be a the tiniest thing to them, but to me it is huge.
People who listen and truly pay attention are few and far between in this smart phone using, constant information being thrown in your face world. That's the kind of presence I want to be around, and the kind I want to emulate.  I am exceedingly thankful for these people in my life- the ones I know well and the ones who are acquaintances with perceptive minds and wide open hearts.

I just want 2014 to be better.
I long for consistency....
In work- as in more of it. I never know when I'll get another voice job, and that is the precarious situation I have put myself into. 15 years ago this month I got my first job... and I am thankful for every one I get- but I want more. I don't like feeling stressed about something I love so much.
In finances- Paying my bills with ease. Maybe buying myself flowers once in awhile without guilt. Oh, and actually getting paid on time would be pretty amazing...
At home- I love my apartment but I am barely in it. I am constantly house/petsitting to pay my rent- and as thankful as I am to have the work, I am paying all this rent and not enjoying my space. I hope I don't have to take care of other people's stuff as much this year, so I can focus on my own.
In mood- I let people get to me too much and when you work in customer service, that's not a good thing. I'm really bitter with the situation and myself. I can't brush off rudeness like I used to. I just want to be a Voice Actor. 2014 has got to be the year that it is the only thing I do.
 Last, but not least- I want to be with the people I truly want to share my time with.  Quality more than quantity has always been my rule, and when it's always quality, you want more! I live alone and work alone so much, I long for that. We ALL deserve happiness- and I know when I am happiest.
I will be focusing on more of that this year. 

12 June, 2013

Happy Birthday, Anne

A special girl was born 84 years ago today- and in her short life she made a extraordinary impact on the entire world.

Anne Frank lived in a fateful, scary time- yet she remained optimistic even when she had to hide away from all that was familiar.
I read "The Diary of a Young Girl" when I was about the same age she was -13- when the Frank family went into hiding from the Nazi regime. I remember not being able to put the book down... imagining myself in her situation- but never ever able to grasp the horror that she and her family and friends- all the people who were "different"- were put through in Europe in World War 2. Reading the diary made me yearn to learn more of the time period, and I read as much as I could- I just couldn't understand how so many people fell prey to a Dictator and his racist, inhumane and completely insane plans... what I'm learning is- there's no way to ever understand, but to be educated and not ever forget that such things happened is what I have done, and will continue to do.
 I still try.
Anne's family and friends hid up in the attic of her Father Otto's jam business for 2 years. They had to be quiet all the time, hearing terrifying noises from outside and terrible news to go along with it. The fearsome state they lived in at all times... it was palpable from Anne's descriptions. There were no guarantees for their safety.
 Throughout the ordeal, they were blessed to have wonderful friends to help them, bringing news and small treats once in awhile. They learned to appreciate the small things- because nothing was small, every moment that they were still safe and alive was a gift.
On August 4, 1944 someone reported them.
They were all taken away to camps- every member of the Secret Annex died except for Otto. Anne died in Bergen-Belsen in March 1945- just a month before liberation. If she had known her Father had survived, perhaps she could have fought harder to live- but I can only imagine the defeat she felt, the sickness taking over her frail body- her broken heart; her optimistic spirit now extinct.
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to go to Amsterdam. As soon as I decided to go, I knew it was time to make my pilgrimage to the Anne Frank House- a place that I have wanted to go since I was 12.
My time in Amsterdam was interesting... I was very caught up in the past- what it must have been like all those years ago. Walking along the beautiful canals- bikes whizzing by, the sparkly water and Chestnut trees everywhere to be seen... imagining Anne in that attic, looking out at the beautiful world that was no longer safe for her because of who she was. Such a serene scene now- yet so many horrible things happened there.
The day I arrived at the Attic was a glorious sunny day- many who live in Amsterdam told me it was rare- and I was thankful for the brightness when my heart was feeling heavy.
Walking into the House, up the many steep narrow stairs, through the storeroom, the factory and offices... and gradually up to that bookcase... there it was: the secret entrance leading to the attic. Once I walked through the bookcase, it became very real. The tears just started coming out of my eyes. Walking in their footsteps... through the tiny rooms they shared- pictures of movie stars that Anne had posted on the walls- right there. At one point I was alone in the room she shared with Mr. Dussel- and the feeling I had in there- I can't put into words. It's really hard for me to describe how it felt to walk around in her space- knowing that I could go back outside and feel the sun on my face... it broke my heart all over again.
During my adventure I read the diary again -her vivacious personality and the words she had so eloquently written were very fresh in my mind. Anne Frank's Diary has made one of the biggest impacts on my life- she woke me up and made me want to learn, even if the things I learned were beyond my nightmares. 

To be able to have this experience is something I am forever thankful for- and I believe it's something that should be felt by many, whether you are interested in history or not.  There is so much pain and heartache in this world- prejudice over things we don't understand... we are so overpowered by fear of what we don't know! Through my travels I know one thing for certain: we really are all people. We all have feelings and we all hurt. Learning about the past can help us not make the same mistakes in the future- shame that some people just don't pay attention.
If you read Anne's diary as a kid, I recommend reading it again- she was such a spark in the world- who knows what she would've accomplished.
Her words live on.

"It's difficult in times like these: ideals, dreams and cherished hopes rise within us, only to be crushed by grim reality. It's a wonder I haven't abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart. I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery, and death. I hear the approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too, I feel the suffering of millions. And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that this cruelty too shall end, and that peace & tranquility will return once again."

--Anne Frank

03 October, 2012

Me and the BBC. WHAT?!??!

It's pretty amazing, and really something I never expected... When I got a call from Mark Savage at the BBC, it just didn't seem real! To be included in a story about video game voice actors is a huge honor... also, being a huge fan of the BBC makes it even better. This is a pretty big moment, and I can't wait to see what comes next!! Read the full article on the BBC here!

09 September, 2012

time to get serious!

Things have been pretty exciting in my Voice Over life lately, and a lot of it has to do with the release of Telltale's The Walking Dead Game. It has been so amazing to be a part of something so wonderfully gruesome and enthralling- and really getting under people's skin!
I wanted to get a new demo out into the world to show what else I've been up to. When Lilly is around, no one is giggling, but we needn't be so serious around here! To remedy the situation, this demo also features some of my favorite bits from Psychonauts, Tales of Monkey Island, Sam and Max, and Piki and Poko. Gotta get some Simlish in there too! Many thanks to Gudfit Entertainment and AJ Moore for making me look so good!

06 September, 2012

ohh. life.

I have just survived (barely) another birthday and, I'm not gonna lie- it was a doozy. Actually, I'm still in recovery, and it has nothing to do with crazy all night binges, trying to re-live my 20's. Yes, it was a very big one. The dreaded big one where you start to really question your whole being and really wonder what the F*ck you're doing. I know that I have found my calling, and I am thankful to myself for never giving up- even when I really felt like it was an impossible dream. Some things in my life make me so happy. Other things in my life are breaking my heart. Some things are both of those highs and lows all bundled up in one amazing yet frustrating and perplexing jumble. Ohh Life, you tricky sucker. A few days ago when the clock ticked and made me older- and I sware I felt it at that exact moment- there was a raucous knock at my door. I was mid "therapy session" with a friend - opened the door to find a HUGE balloon and card from my co-workers at the cafe. This was a big surprise and felt like the giant hug I was needing right at that very moment. The card was adorable, and came with puppy ears! I wore those puppy ears all night and made me feel like I wasn't that age- this label that I have earned just by being around a really long time.
It's really really hard sometimes to be an individual in a world that is screaming at you to be like everyone else, do what everyone else does. I have never been conventional in what I do. I know I make things harder for myself, that the choices I have made may not make sense to some- shit- I question myself too... BUT I can't give up on things I believe in with all my heart. It could be work, my many and varied dreams, or a person... I gotta stay true. I may be old. I may still be trying to figure it all out.... but aren't we all? Wear some puppy ears and pee on the floor.(ok, don't do that) how 'bout just wigglin' that tail so much that you fall on your ass? I know I will. You can borrow my ears if you want to :)

28 August, 2012

New Facebook Page : )

All this self marketing biz seems never ending, but it's the sign of the times! I decided it was time to start a facebook page for my voice acting. I'm gonna post random stuff and just saying what I'm doing these days! I'm hoping to share a lot of good news over there. Thanks for checking it out!

26 July, 2012

new website up!!

Well. It was about time to make that place rad to hang out in... it was just needing some love and it got some today! My new improved super sparkly website is ready to see the world! Martin Mulrooney from Alternative Magazine Online interviewed me- and that was so cool! That is featured on there now- and soon, OMG, there will be an interview with Mark Savage from the BBC.
So hopefully this is the start of much more crazy exciting news to report. I hope you'll check it out!