I was feeling so bad... just not healthy in any way. Physically and mentally... UGH. Sometimes I just let myself be horrible to myself! It's really a bad choice.
I have to remember that it is just that: A CHOICE.
Something I have learned about myself is that when I am having a rough time of it, I need to explode: cry cry CRY and talk it out. My mother was the "winner" of this honor today. I tried to go at it alone but I needed my Mommy ♥.
I am not one to hold my emotions in, and this is part of the reason why I am a crazy actor. I suppose being vulnerable has its value. I was going through a breakup when I was recording The Sims 3, and having the amazing gift of playing a 6 year old who speaks through a language of emotion was invaluable. When I got to have a tantrum, it was so real... and I felt better for it.
After I had my meltdown with my Mom, I moped awhile more... but then I started laundry.
I jumped around on my mini trampoline a bit...
then I decided to scrub the bathroom! the kitchen!!
oooo let's vacuum!
Here I am, sitting in my clean apartment. Laundry done, bed made. All sparkly with the sun shining in.
Feeling a bit better.
I'm heading up to Santa Rosa in the morning until next week. I'm going to look on it as a retreat for myself... away from this city that I am not feeling connected to at all. That is part of why I am feeling the way I am... I just don't fit here. We have our moments together, but for the most part I am not feeling you, SF. We need a break.
Had to get out of my head a bit, and clean things up (literally)!
I feel like I can breathe now.
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