Some sort of momentous event... perhaps something that has been planted in my stubborn brain. A bulb staying warm and cozy below until the sun shines on it just enough to encourage an entrance above ground.
Oh, to finally blossom!
I feel this anticipation with a strange sort of certainty that it's not bad. It's a good feeling.
Maybe it was the testicles I ate yesterday?
A calm anticipation? What is that all about?
I never thought I was capable of any sort of calmness when the butterflies start fluttering...
I'm back in a job that I did in my 20's. It's basically the same cafe with a different name. I've always loved working in coffee shops; I enjoy the culture and most of the people who cross paths and connect in interesting ways.
The problem?
I am feeling my age. I am having flashbacks of all the stuff that sucks- and I smell like coffee ALL THE TIME.
I never feel my age! With my voice acting I'm usually playing young, high energy characters and I thrive on it. I think the plain truth is that I am done with this- and I knew I was, but I went back to it- a gal's gotta have a damn day job.
I long for the day when I'm just acting- to be an Artist and only an Artist... what a pleasure.
I'm feeling frustrated- but at the same time, I feel no ties to this place. I normally get way too into things, but with this job, I'm doing what I need to do and that's that. I am looking around for something different, something where I can make more $$ and not get up at 4:30.
I'm ready for the big leap forward, to pounce like a ridiculously cute Red Panda on the things that I want to hold on to.
Even with some uncertainty and frustration, I feel like my life is finally waiting for me to hold on and get what I really want from it. It's not like I'm getting a second chance. No more of this silly trepidation! It's all about grabbing it by the bison balls and being brave enough to take a bite.
Sensing that anticipation, feeling on the verge is something I have felt before- and sometimes I just have to poop- but I'm gonna run with the feeling that things may just come together this time. Pouncing, springing and remembering that in this new world, the possibilities are all right there.
