You're only as old as you feel, right?

Tomorrow is my birthday... it feels like a big one. It's called the "late 30's". Really late.
(gulp)
I never thought much about how I would be when I got older.
I never thought I'd be married or have kids, I always kinda knew I'd be doing my own thing.
I never thought I'd be an actor. Shit, I never thought I'd be doing anything having to do with performing.
Never say never, I guess. At least about the acting stuff.
I'm feeling pretty reflective and also just wishing sometimes that I were more of a "real adult".
As in:
Having enough money to pay bills and be social
Not letting the "J Crew couples" brimming with happiness make me feel like a loser for being single
Feeling like I know what I'm doing in general!

I guess that's kinda it (haha)... and as I was typing this I realized that these things are fixable... I need to change my finances in a major way, and that means I need a different day job. I can do this.
As for the "Happy J Crew couples".... it's all bullshit anyway, isn't it?
Truthfully though- does anyone really know what they're doing?
Am I just being too hard on myself? (cuz I never do that....)

Tomorrow at a bit half past 2, I will be 38.
(deep breath)
I'm a late bloomer. It makes me crazy! I think when I turn 40 (omg) I'll be so ready for the world.
The growing pains are totally kicking my ass right now. I'm so over it!!!!!
I don't want to let the number get to me... that's all it is.
Most people think I'm in my late 20's anyway, and truth be told, I feel like I am in a lot of ways.

Tomorrow I'm gonna party like I'm turning 28, with all the wisdom of being 38.