I had an amazing adventure. Everywhere I went there were people who I connected with, whether it was a bus driver, a fellow train passenger, or a new friend to share a few pints with. All very real, and all very wonderful. It felt like a dream; it was so vivid - I felt so involved in each moment.
My last weekend in Dublin, I stayed with my friends Helen and Melanie. There was a crazy fun party for Mirso, and loads of people came. Most I had met last year, but some I had only just met. I felt a part of everyone's life, like I've been around for ages. Ireland is like this: the people are so lovely and will hold you in their hearts and not take anything for granted. The day after the party, I was telling Mel and Hels how I was feeling about going home - stupid insecurities, feeling anxious about stuff. "It's the drink" they told me. ha! Yes, perhaps it was the vodka/whiskey/buckfast/jager shots (with a dash of sprite) from the night before.... perhaps :)
Even if it was "the drink", it made me realize what I'm missing.
Connecting with others doesn't have to be so much work - it shouldn't be! I don't want to leave the country to feel this way. I gotta flip the switch. I've lived here for 4 years but don't feel the same openness... sometimes I wish we could all just let go of whatever it is and not give a shit about being so cool. Life is full of stuff to get caught up in. I just wanna be who I am, and be with others who are stoked to be who they know they are too.
I want to thank everyone and everything who made my adventure more than I ever dreamed it could be... in the hostels and on the rails, in the pub and climbing on big rocks. Fireworks in the rain, flash floods and swans stopping traffic. Brilliant Autumn colors, howling wind...fluffy clouds, rainbows and Magners or Bulmers (wherever I was, it was tasty). Last but not least, SHEEP! I love the fluffy sheep.
I always felt so embraced and open and totally myself. I was like a kid! Just living for the next moment, and learning as I go. Life is learning as you go, and not about getting it all right. Why do I struggle with such a concept?
There were a few people who I really wanted to hang out with that I didn't get to see- Saroj and Giles in Manchester, and Marty in Liverpool. Time just flew by... I longed for one more week.... I just wasn't ready for it to end. Next time.
The jet lag has dissipated and tomorrow I go back to work. Back to assisting hostelers and not being one. I loved being one! Getting in late with a good buzz on -trying to be as quiet as possible, interesting roommates (one in particular who pushed her luggage around in a baby carriage - and doesn't have a baby)- who lecture you about not wearing any fragrance (honey, get a private room, not an 8 bed dorm), and the amazing staff who I swapped stories and shared some giggles with.
I wish for everyone to experience how I felt over the past 3 weeks. I am so thankful. I will never forget it. Yes, I tend to romanticize stuff; it is true that I am unabashedly mushy and you know what else? I don't give a shit! You put out the good stuff, you will get it back. Pretty simple really.
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