It's a Rapp

no hearts or flowers. just real talk.

2012-01-25T14:03:00.000-08:00

Ok so today I just have to vent.
This one's a little heavy, folks.
A customer at work this morning knew I was a bit off, and yes, we all can't be rays of sunshine all the time. So give me a break. Some days smiling is not something I can fake. I will try but I know I'm lookin all crazy. I hate feeling fake. I suck at hiding my emotions- and as humiliating as that can be sometimes, I'd rather be able to let those feelings out when I can. Sometimes the time comes and it's not right, but what can I do?
I'm struggling with where I am and what I'm still doing- which I believe Einstein said is the definition of insanity... the insanity coming from basically doing the same day job I've done since I was 22- the locations have changed, but it's still the same deal. When I was 22, I loved it. Heck, I even enjoyed it when I was 30. Coffee was always something I could "fall back on"- I felt a lot of pride and I loved being a part of the whole buzz.
I have a big birthday number this year- and still feel some days that I'm struggling to be an "adult". I cannot help but feel incredibly disappointed in myself... I can beat myself up better than anyone could even try, and I am definitely not holding back these days.
I do need to say this: I am so thankful to have a job. I know how things are now and I am grateful to have a regular check coming in. I have never been one to take things lightly, and I will always do my best, even if it's not ideal.
All I want to do is be a Voice Actor.
It's frustrating to me to go have an amazing session, doing what I love more than anything, then having to go do a job that I'm just not proud of myself for. It doesn't feel good at all.
The sacrifices I have made to live my dream have made my life more challenging, mostly financially. The sacrifices my parents made! My Mom still helps me. I hate this, it's embarrassing...I feel terrible. My parents always supported me in my dreams, no matter. I'm so thankful for that. USSR when I was 17? "GO!" Drama School? "Do it!" "You wanna move to NYC? Of course, we knew this was coming!"
I've had some incredible experiences, but I am ready for things to be more solid in my life, to be able to take care of everything with no stress, all on my own. I wish I could be more nonchalant about things, but that's just not me. I am a crazy perfectionist, but I'm learning to not need perfection. Um, hello Nicki, it's impossible! I just want to feel ok and take care of my biz.
On the bright side- because we need that about now- deep, deep down I do believe things will get better. There are a few awesome potential opportunities brewing; I just need a miracle NOW. I will continue to wish on stars, heads-up pennies (i found 14 cents in my left boot the other day), and pretty much any opportunity I get to wish, I'm gonna do it. I believe in possibilities. Just need some movement forward, the sooner the better.
I know so many people are going through this same struggle. Some haven't even tasted what it feels like to do what you really love, and I am supremely blessed there.
Being a creative person-I think that sometimes the darkness can creep in, and it can hold on real tight. Passion is a wonderful thing but it can also wreck your head. It's just really intense to be so vulnerable. I'm thankful for my gifts; I just want to make sure I live up to my potential... and I think that's why I feel so sad now, because I know I'm not.
If you're still here, thank you for indulging me. I'm just feeling pretty shitty today and really stinking ready for things to start clicking this year.

rainy day rapp up

2012-01-20T17:28:00.000-08:00

I always like to muse upon the the old year when the new year rolls around... and here we are, almost a month in ALREADY!
It's a rainy day, and I was feeling a little trapped in my apartment. The Irish in me heard the call of a Guinness from the pub next door, so here I am!
2011 was a pretty big year, lots of movement and change in my life.
The big physical move for me was getting the heck out of San Francisco.... while I can admire "The City" for some things, I knew for my well being it was time to get out.
The move was not far, yet a world away... just across the Bay Bridge to Oakland. I never thought I would ever live here, but almost a year later, I know that for now- it's just right.
Work last year was good, I got to be a part of some really amazing projects I'd been doing for ages, and some new stuff too. This year I'm looking forward to having the best Voice Acting year yet.... I just feel like I'm on the verge and and SO ready to have it happen. I've been working for 13 years now. It is time. Being an actor is what I am, it's all I've ever worked for- and it's a struggle... I remember when I was in Drama School and I said, "I don't care if I get paid, I just wanna act".... well hehe I've learned since then you can love your art and support your art- but that time is gonna come when your art needs to support you too- and while it brings me more joy than I can express- I'm talkin support with some real serious dollars. I'm ready for that to happen. Nothing crazy, just so I can live and not stress about the day to day anymore. It is exhausting and takes my energy away. I want no more of this!!
An amazing gift last year was of friendship and travel. I went to Texas, and it was the best adventure of my life so far. Never knew the beauty of that place, and now I am so thankful that I do. Easy travels with a perfect companion can never be underestimated. It's the best. Can't wait to see more... it's the Australia of America!
I even took a trip to Los Angeles to get some more things happenin' career-wise, and I believe everything will fall into place. I'm just really thankful for the opportunities and support I have for these times in my life. Hard work is even more wonderful when you're doing it knowing it's for something you're really looking forward to.
So here we are in 2012...it's time to get things done. I have to say that in my life now I feel more supported than ever and I'm building up my confidence more and more... we all go through the times when we doubt, but in 2012, I will do a lot less of that. Imagine it, plan it... and live it. Time is short.

New Audio Demo for a New Year!

2012-01-15T14:19:00.000-08:00

With a new year, I've gotta get that optimism biz all revved up again. I have some really big Voice Acting goals for 2012 and I'm anxious to start feeling like things are clicking again!
After he did my video demo, I was really excited to hear my audio one too; I am so thankful and I love it! AJ is really intuitive and gets my sense of humor; I love the way he edited my characters and I can't help but smile and feel kinda proud of myself. I'm feeling ready.
In this demo we've a little "Sammun-mak" and a littler "Sam Jr."(he is a baby cockroach after all) from Telltale Game's "Sam and Max"... that little girly Sim from EA's "The Sims 3"...a bit of perkiness from "Piki Matsumoto" in Mondo Mini Show's "Piki and Poko: Adventures In Starland" ... the super rad and sassy "Lili Zannotto" from Doublefine Production's "Psychonauts"... and the Mighty Pirate Hunter herself, "Morgan LeFlay" from Telltale's "Tales of Monkey Island". As new projects arrive, we'll get more out in the universe. Here's to a better year for creativity and lots of work!

New video demo!!!!

2011-12-09T13:41:00.000-08:00

Many many thanks to AJ for working so hard to make me look so good! The guy is basically incredible.
It was definitely time to get this going....
We've got Morgan, Lili, Sammun-Mak and Piki... and a lot of crazy kid Simlish. I'm pretty proud of who I've gotten to be ♥

It's time.

2011-10-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

So next week is kind of a big deal.
I'm going down to L.A. to see what is out there for me... it is time.
oooooh L.A. Not my favorite place. If I'm honest, I'm a bit intimidated by it all, but it's time to be brave.
I went to college in Pasadena and it made me really appreciate the beauty of my sweet home in Northern California for the first time. We're in the same state, but Southern California is a world away from Northern... I missed the Redwoods, the lovely smell, clear blue skies, stars at night- it was just loads of smog and concrete, and that is not for me. Thing is, I've realized it's time for me to open up again to the possibilities of the South. That's where the work is. I want to work!
AJ is going to be sharing his rad comic, The Super Newts, and my personal favorite- The Adventures of Dorse and Doose (loads of poop jokes hehe) at a brand new comic book/multimedia exhibition at the Los Angeles Convention Center, Comikaze. I'm so excited he asked me to help him out and be in the whole scene. He has worked so hard...he's on the verge, and it's really exciting to be even a little part of it.
I worked over at EA on Wednesday, and I can't say enough how much I love recording there and how amazing it is to have such an insanely fun job. I've been a part of that world since 2003 and I feel incredibly supported, totally believed in- they really helped me out in making connections for this adventure. I am so thankful for this, it blows me away.
I'm a little nervous, a lot excited, super hopeful, and also know that I need to do this if I want to further my career. It is very exciting! I am about to confront the mountain I've always known I had to climb ... feeling a bit anxious... but at the same time I know I've just been afraid of the unknown. Silly, really. I've taken a lot of risks in my life, done some pretty courageous things that I didn't even think twice about... why is this any different?
I'm thankful to have the support to do this, and to also have some rad new experiences that will propel me to other places ... I'm ready to make my goals a reality.
So here's the scoop. Come to Comikaze next weekend, November 5 & 6- visit us at booth #94 and say Hai! Get some comics before Gudfit blows up so you can say you were there before it all got crazy! Support the arts and hang out with us for awhile. Curry Goat will wiggle his happy little tail for you- and trust me, you do not want to miss that!

The possibilities of Walking with the Dead

2011-10-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

Almost everyday I go walking in a most amazing place, the Mountain View Cemetery.
It's very calm, beautiful, there are a gazillion trees, and you can lose yourself there. Sometimes I need a place to set my head straight, and this place helps me with that. Nature is amazing. All I hear are birds and the wind in the trees... the best soundtrack, with a perfect view above.
There is a certain part of the cemetery that my friend Shawna and I call "the zombie part"- throughout the grounds it is green and lush, really taken care of; this section is just dirt and has really, really old graves.
A few months ago I got to audition for a pretty big video game. I took a chance on a character that I felt was a long shot, but she got to say "Fuck" super crazy in the script and her bio was so intense and dramatic. This lady is messed up, and I was totally into it.
I had to try.
Amazingly, I got a callback to read again, which was an exciting sign. Problem was, I was suffering from a bout of food poisoning from some nasty oysters.
I was sick all night; had to get the audition in by 10 am.... I felt like a zombie, and that was NOT the character!
I did it, but felt like I blew it.

UGH.

That was July.
I pretty much decided I needed to give up hope... it's just hard when you want something so badly- especially when you never thought it was even possible to begin with.

At the end of August I left town and headed for Texas.
I flew into Dallas before my final super anticipation filled destination of San Antonio.
Check my phone, email about this part?!!?! WHAT??!!??
Another read, a bit more direction, when can I get it in?
My adrenaline level was already quite high at this point; I was so excited for this trip, so excited that my chance had not passed.
It's also funny that it seems like every time I'm leaving town, I get some rad opportunity- and sadly- some are missed.
But check it out: not all the time!

AJ and his brother Tony got me a place to record at the school they both attended, San Antonio College. Tony's teacher, John L. Onderdonk, aka 'Mr. O', was the man who said "Yes". He didn't have to, and I am so grateful.
It was quite a journey to find a quiet and comfortable spot to record in when it was well over 100 degrees! Those guys are amazing to have helped me so much with this, it was above and beyond.
When we got the answer that, indeed, there was a place I could record, it was brilliant. All I needed was a little space, a closet even- I was planning to just record on my phone...
but we were put in a room with mics and PRO TOOLS?!??
Mr. O!!! O M G!!!
Are you kidding me right now?
Can I tell you how much I love Texas?? It was only my second day and I was over the moon!
AJ and Tony were very patient with me, waiting down the hall, while I basically obsessed over the new beats I needed to connect with -and when I was finished, I had an amazing editor (AJ) make me sound even better.
So we got it done.
Now I could relax!
We vacationed, it was still on my mind.
I thought, "maybe I'll hear before I go back home?"
Alas, this was not the case.

Once again I decided that it just didn't work out- I probably thought too much, I was hot and tired... now for sure I blew it!!

A few weeks after I returned home I was taking my morning walk in the cemetery, just walking past the zombies.
I hear on my phone that I got an email, and at first I disregarded it, thinking it was probably something stupid...
I found out that I got the part!!
It was perfect, finding out that I booked an amazing role in a kickass game about zombies as I walked past the zombie part in the cemetery!

I'm so excited to see how it all turns out. This is a very different character for me; I've had my first session and I feel very grown up in a way that I haven't before with my voice acting. I'm so thankful for the opportunity... thankful for the support of wonderful friends and colleagues who were looking out, and wanted me to do well. I'm a lucky girl.

It was definitely worth the effort, all the sweat- and the wait.

It's one of those nights

2011-10-08T23:24:00.000-07:00

"You told me it was
because of me
you gazed at the moon.
I've come to see
if this is true."

-Izumi Shikibu

(10th-11th century)

A favorite poem from the past

2011-09-18T13:56:00.000-07:00

The More Loving One
by W. H. Auden

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little more time.

incredible moments that lasted for days

2011-09-17T15:59:00.000-07:00

Travel is an important part of my life, in fact, it helps me exist on this planet. If I didn't know there was something bigger out there, something more to open my eyes, it would be a tragedy. Life would be pretty dang boring if we didn't have all the amazing cultural differences to keep us on our toes.
When I travel, it's usually on my own. I mix it up with meeting friends and of course making new ones on the way, which all equals to a lot of precious memories- but this time was different, and I was not disappointed.
About a week ago I returned from a place that I really never thought I would go: Texas. I wasn't adverse to it; I just never really had it on my radar. I thought to myself, "Hmmm...Texas is the Australia of America..."- I've longed to go there since i became obsessed with koalas in 3rd grade -alas, heading Down Under is not in my Actor-y budget at this time- so I embraced this opportunity.
The really wonderful part about this journey was that I was going to be living it with someone really special to me- seeing his world through my eyes was something I wanted to experience. You know when you talk to someone on the phone all the time, they tell you stuff about where they live, what things are like, where they hang out... I love it when I can picture and understand where they come from. It makes me feel more connected, and I can better understand the similarities and differences in our lives.
Travel! Such a gift.
I arrived in San Antonio in 108 degree heat. I was escorted to the giant boots. During our 10 days together we saw copious (i love that word) amounts of animals: buffalo, buzzards, baby frogs, a baby salamander that I held in my hand(!!!), Emu, Roadrunners, hella lizards, some rad dogs, a whole lotta Nutrias, many varieties of ducks and geese, loads of fish, a snake, oooh there was a hummingbird super close to my face.... and my FAVORITE, bats. (did i miss anything, AJ?)
I celebrated my birthday on this adventure, and it couldn't have been a more wonderful time of feeling alive and excited for the future... I needed this. I woke up. My birthday was amazing. There was much stargazing, unlimited hilarity in storytelling and just straight up delight in where I was and who I was with. I was in the moment, and it felt so good. We laid on the ground, watched the bats flutter overhead, oooing and ahhing when they got real close, mixing with the stars as the glowing moon watched over us.
This was the Texas I knew was out there, this was what I wanted to experience- to me, it was perfect. Best birthday gift a girl could ask for: limitless stars, ridiculous amounts of laughter, and wonderful companionship. I can be a bit of a loner; I find a lot of contentment in my own company... but sharing this adventure was the best of my life so far- it was so easy, there were so many magic moments- and also a lot of honesty and heartfelt conversation. Finding a brilliant travel partner and friend is like striking gold. Actually, it's priceless.
I luxuriated in 10 days of bliss, 10 days of getting to know someone and the world he knows.... 10 days where I felt so happy and alive. I wouldn't have traded that time for anything.... and I can't wait til we do it again. There's a lot of Texas to see!
Sometimes you have to take a chance. A chance on an adventure, a chance on a person, a chance on some crazy thing to put in your tummy! People come into our lives at certain times for very special reasons.... I listen close to the Universe, and I pay attention to this stuff. Some things cannot be denied, no matter how inconvenient they seem, or how much your brain tries to mess with you. I was so gung-ho on just traveling abroad, but adventuring in my own country is a huge eye opener as well- and in the end, if you're with someone who brightens your world, does it really matter where you are?

Summer is a lot less Hostel this year

2011-06-16T16:16:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today that last Summer, and for the previous 4, I was super busy working at Hostelling International- San Francisco, feeding travelers from all over and just really enjoying chatting people up and learning about the world through their eyes.
When I think about all the friendships I made there- it makes me miss the whole scene a lot. Truth be told, I met people through working there and through my own hostelling adventures who really changed my life, and continue to today.
When you're in the midst of a Summer Season at a hostel- it can really wreck your head- I'm not gonna lie- it is intense. Along with the 92% of awesome, super rad and open-minded people, there's that 8% that can KILL YOU! I am not even kidding. I smelled some stuff YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE and saw some ridiculous behavior that would just shock you by the commitment level of sheer assholeness! Some days I would leave work thinking, "omg reeeally? wtf was THAT all about?"
I spent the majority of my Hostel years at HI-City Center, which, in my opinion, is the best of the 3 San Francisco city hostels (they're all good!)... but let's just say it is located in a most adventurous San Francisco neighborhood, The Tenderloin. You may have heard of it... I used to talk about it a lot! It's a rough neighborhood to be sure. You will see and smell things that may make you want to barf... but now when I look back, my memories within the walls of the hostel are what make me feel like it really wasn't so bad after all. I know a lot of people who feel the same way.
While the memories are flowing, I wanted to share my love and praise for hostelling, and for all the knowledge and joy it brought into my life. In my opinion it is the BEST- and smartest way to travel... you get an affordable, clean, safe place to lay your head at night, a rad free or really cheap breakfast, and the possibility of new friendships that will enrich your life in a million ways. I usually travel by myself, so having a familiar place with that special energy is brilliant. It is a place of magic if you let it be! What else do you need really?

★ ★ It's in the stars for Piki and Poko ★ ★ ...♥

2011-06-07T13:29:00.000-07:00

Eleven years ago a brilliant world was introduced to the interwebs: "Piki and Poko: Adventures in Starland". A lush pastelly land with hot-blooded volcanoes and effeminate trees, malignant candy and evil marshmallow bunnies! I had the chance to play a character that I connected with and love- and got to be almost every week. What a blessing for an actor! "Piki Matsumoto" is the girl. We have a lot in common; I understand her really well. She wears waaay more pink than me though- and I just can't believe how high my voice is! hehe
All of us who were a part of this show love it and believe in it so much- even years later, I still have hopes that we can continue the story. In the meantime, I am going to do my best to bring the Star Sisters and all of their friends- and foes- back to share - and hope you'll enjoy their adventures as well. The writers, animators, directors...all the rad dogs that used to hang out at Mondo Media back in the real awesome days, contributed so much magic. I loved going there! I had just begun working as a Voice Actor and I can't imagine a more amazing time or place to start my journey. I am so proud to be a part of a project that takes risks and embraces all the color, beauty and beautiful differences we can share when we open up.
To get things going, here are the first 2 episodes of the series.
I hope you love them too!

If you're on facebook, become a fan of Piki and Poko! https://www.facebook.com/pages/Piki-Poko-Adventures-in-StarLand/219234604767679

on the verge of Springing

2011-05-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

Oooooh something is brewing.
Some sort of momentous event... perhaps something that has been planted in my stubborn brain. A bulb staying warm and cozy below until the sun shines on it just enough to encourage an entrance above ground.
Oh, to finally blossom!
I feel this anticipation with a strange sort of certainty that it's not bad. It's a good feeling.
Maybe it was the testicles I ate yesterday?

A calm anticipation? What is that all about?
I never thought I was capable of any sort of calmness when the butterflies start fluttering...

I'm back in a job that I did in my 20's. It's basically the same cafe with a different name. I've always loved working in coffee shops; I enjoy the culture and most of the people who cross paths and connect in interesting ways.
The problem?
I am feeling my age. I am having flashbacks of all the stuff that sucks- and I smell like coffee ALL THE TIME.
I never feel my age! With my voice acting I'm usually playing young, high energy characters and I thrive on it. I think the plain truth is that I am done with this- and I knew I was, but I went back to it- a gal's gotta have a damn day job.
I long for the day when I'm just acting- to be an Artist and only an Artist... what a pleasure.
I'm feeling frustrated- but at the same time, I feel no ties to this place. I normally get way too into things, but with this job, I'm doing what I need to do and that's that. I am looking around for something different, something where I can make more $$ and not get up at 4:30.
I'm ready for the big leap forward, to pounce like a ridiculously cute Red Panda on the things that I want to hold on to.

Even with some uncertainty and frustration, I feel like my life is finally waiting for me to hold on and get what I really want from it. It's not like I'm getting a second chance. No more of this silly trepidation! It's all about grabbing it by the bison balls and being brave enough to take a bite.
Sensing that anticipation, feeling on the verge is something I have felt before- and sometimes I just have to poop- but I'm gonna run with the feeling that things may just come together this time. Pouncing, springing and remembering that in this new world, the possibilities are all right there.

Ladybug hunt!

2011-04-30T19:30:00.000-07:00

Today has been wonderful.
I slept til about 8, drank my tea, hung out in a leisurely style; excited that this Saturday was a day filled with rad friends coming to see me.
How lovely and sweet is that?
First it was Jo and Pat. Jo is one of my best friends and she also makes my hair look great! Pat is her rad dude and while he has no hair on his head, he's still just as awesome because he has an amazing beard.
We hung out, then really just made it next door for beers and snacks. Jo and Pat are my Appetizer friends, so I waited to try the wings at Cato's til they came to hang. Spicy and deeelicious!
The next visitors who arrived were Randy and his little doggie "Benson". oooh I love that dog. I really love Randy. We just have a lot of fun all the time, and he got me into WonderCon, something that started a lovely chain of events in my life at this moment. ahhhh
*sigh*
We just talked about all kinds of stuff and then decided to cruise out to check the Comic Book store on the Avenue. We both gained some rad shit on sale, and I realized how cool Comic Book shops are! He said it was one of the coolest he has been to. It's cuz my neighborhood kicks ass :)
Randy soon departed, but moments later I received a text:
"So i hid six ladybugs around your apartment.... see if u can find them all"
BWAAAAAH!!!
It may as well have been Christmas morning when I was 8.
I started the search immediately.... I thought through where Randy was in my place- because now it's big enough for this sort of caper!!!
The first couple were pretty easy- they were chillin in the kitchen... then I recalled that he went into my recording booth (closet) and I found another in there on the music stand- and then there were a few in the bathroom... but that last one was tricky. I checked the pizza closet, but no bugs.
I sat on my couch and reflected.
"hmmmm."
I looked to my right, I looked to my left.... and there it was, on top of the intercom phone!
SUCCESS!!!!!
I was giggling like I got a Snoopy Snow Cone Machine!!!

This is the kind of stuff we remember.
It's Saturday night, I feel like a kid again. I'm so happy I'm in a place where I can celebrate that feeling. It's sad that we lose that enthusiasm... I love Randy for sharing his with me. ♥

this time, i won't miss it

2011-04-26T21:39:00.000-07:00

“Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.”

2011-04-14T17:57:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad life is back to being surprising again.
Over the past few months so much as changed, and I've learned to love the unexpected gifts that have crossed my path.
It was the kind of thing where I had to make a choice: do I stay where I am and not give myself a chance- or do I say, "Screw it" and start living?
It's an easy enough answer- if you have the right resources.... I was just lucky I had what I needed to grow.
Some pretty rad things have been happening lately; things that I would never even hope to expect, that I just don't want to take for granted- or at the same time, doubt that they are really happening. Some things seem too good to be true.
I've always been a dreamer, an unabashed romantic. I wear my heart on my sleeve- and really, aren't you glad you know what's up with me? I'm not a tricker.
I'm pretty stoked on my emotions. (I can't even believe I'm saying that)
Finally!
I mean it sucks feeling bad all the time. Who wants that?
I have hidden myself away for a quite awhile; I gave the power of how I was feeling to people who didn't deserve it. I think it's a really good thing when you realize what has happened and how you can fix it... if someone has broken your heart, or just really been a total asshole to you, it's hard to not let it get to ya and wreck your head.
I'm not gonna lie, it has taken awhile...
but letting go of that bullshit has left me with an open space for good stuff to fill up that now willing vacancy.
Feeling hopeful used to scare me. It still feels risky sometimes.
I used to feel that if something marvelous happened, it meant oooh jeeeze, what's gonna happen now?? An UGH moment.
I'm over that style. That style is lame and can suck it.
I intend to embrace a new style of believing. Changing your brainwaves is tricky, but some things scream at you until you realize it! This is the kind of thing you just have to leap in and ride the waves.
I'm paying attention to signs, and some of them are just undeniable.
Samuel Johnson has got it right: the unexpected can deliver the most beautiful joys in your life- it's just being open to them. From here on, that's the style I'm gonna be. It's not expensive, and it feels really gud.

best way to do laundry

2011-03-17T13:33:00.000-07:00

Happy st. Paddy's! Mmmmm

a laundromat.

2011-03-09T16:53:00.000-08:00

No laundry in the building means I get to head out in my leftover clothes and get stuff clean again. Lots of cafes, my bank, a pub- all surround me. Not so bad!

feeling the "Mayberry"

2011-02-27T19:19:00.000-08:00

I've heard this more than once as I've walked the streets of my new neighborhood. "It's like Mayberry."
It is a different world, a throwback to how Santa Rosa felt when I was a kid. Not even that- almost like how Hitchcock showed us in "Shadow of A Doubt". Santa Rosa still has some charm, but not like it used to.
I've been here for a week and a day now, and I am in love. In fact, making out with Piedmont Avenue may not be such a bad option.
I wake up to a sunny spacious apartment; everyday convincing myself that it is not some tease, this is actually my life now. This is not a dream!
When I went back last week to paint my walls in that glorified hallway I spent the last 5 years, I realized how much better my life has the opportunity to be now...
I thought I was getting too old to have a restart, reboot, throw it all out and get a bunch of new ideas, thoughts, beliefs... I knew for sure I could not stay there a single second more.
I do value the lessons of the last 5 years- I suppose... in some ways... I guess I know now how to deal with shitty circumstances? Ack. I think you have to just deal and take what you can and try to not let it beat you down. Truth be told, this can seem an impossible feat.
This all happened so quickly- I just realized that I could not allow myself to feel so stuck anymore- I really believed that my life was kinda set and I didn't see any way to make things better. This is no way to feel at any time ever.
I can already feel the Mayberry... the sunshine, people smiling and greeting as you pass by, questions answered along the avenue, never harried or annoyed, sauntering, looking around. People are so nice here, I almost feel like I'm in Wisconsin or something! I can look up and see the beauty instead of looking down to avoid stepping in shit or questionable wet spots on the street.
I feel good here. I don't feel sad or gross like I did in San Francisco. I never felt like I was good enough; in hindsight I feel so stupid I thought that. Insecurities will kick your ass and mess with your head. Terrible. Thing is,I've always been able to mold myself into any situation, and just get used to the way things are- but in this case, it ultimately wrecked my head.
✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷ ✷
My point is: it's never too late to make a new start- even if you really doubt they exist. Sunshine should never be discounted for the simple fact that it is healthy to have around, and it does feel warm and wonderful. I loved the fog, the moodiness of SF- but it wasn't good for me.
Bring on the sun. Bring on the friendly people. Bring on the possibilities. Bring on the making out!!!!
It's time to lift my head up high and see all that's available. Makes it way easier to reach for the good stuff.
Now if you'll excuse me... I'm hungry for a slice of Mayberry Pie.

a different celebration

2011-02-08T00:23:00.000-08:00

I got this fortune 3 months ago. When I read it, "Remember 3 months from this date. Good things are in store for you", I was like yea right. "Whatever". Despite this, I kept it and taped it on my front door. Kind of a reminder that I can always hope for the best. Then I realized it would also be my Dad's birthday- he would be 67 today.

So December 8.... you were cloudy and dark, very cold and uncertain. Emotional. blaah.
Now look at you, February 8! The sun is shining, the future is welcoming, and there is so much to look forward to.
It's amazing how things can really change. Believe me, I had no spark of even a teeny molecule of an idea that anything could be different!
Yea, it's just a fortune cookie. But sometimes you just need to hold on to something that maybe doesn't make sense or is just plain goofy.
I know I made this happen. I yearned so much for something new to wake me up, and enjoy what life can be when you open up to it. So I did it. Doing it!
As my friend Kori said in an email, "way to be the boss of your life! fuck yeah, muthafucka! that's the way to do it. i mean shit we're almost 40- if we aren't going to be the boss by now what the fuck?"
Brilliant.

I'm so happy that for my Daddy's birthday this year I am celebrating with a smile through my tears, knowing that I have so many new experiences ahead- new chances to take more chances - with the belief I can do it.
I know it's what he always wanted for me.

Let the Light Back In, Chapter 1.1.11

2011-01-01T17:03:00.000-08:00

Those who know me, know that I was not a fan of 2010, as it clearly didn't have much love for me either.

It kicked my ass and taunted me and made me cry. A lot. Pathetic, I know... but enough is enough!
Today is January 1, 2011.
1.1.11.
All those 1's mean 1 thing to me... that it's all beginning again, and we don't have to let the past interfere with how we want to improve our future.

My late 30's have been really hard. All that "Adult Stuff" that comes as you grow older decided to hit me, 1 tough thing after another. "Lessons". UGHHHHHHH!!!
The thing that I'm proud of most & can feel most confident about- but can also challenge me with so much doubt, is my work. Acting.
UGH! It's so lame.
Sometimes I worry that my time has run out, that I don't know what I'm doing. Is my career over??!!??!!?

THIS IS SUCH BULLSHIT!!!

I know I'm not the only 1 who fears these things- we all go there at some point, I suppose...
The last few days of 2010 were spent in my head. Not a nice holiday...it can be a rough place. I came to these conclusions: I'm NOT going to allow myself to feel defeated any longer. I cannot even let myself think for a single second that I'm shit at something that I've loved doing since I was 13, and worked so hard to do as a career.

I've been really trying to take steps since the end of Summer to make my life better. It was time; I couldn't deal anymore.
Leaving the hostel was hard, but not going to the stinky, crazy Tenderloin has improved my outlook on the world. The bummer part- I miss the hostel and most of its inhabitants, but I had to change the situation. While the view has improved, I really believe I need to make a bigger change. My next goal is to move outta this place; hopefully to a safe and sunny spot in the East Bay where I can have a dog.
My apartment in the PolkSac, while totally cute and cozy, is very dark. Like no sun. No plants can grow. So... it can't be good for me either.
This makes me bummed.
It is also of popular opinion- by certain people in my life, that this lack of light leaves me depressed, which... yea, I mean... I can see that.
My lovely Mommy bought me a HappyLight. You have it on for at least 2 hours everyday and it is supposed to help with being bummed. I think it was a little bit of a joke, but it never hurts to try to remedy the situation...
I give you, "2011":

Don't I look happier?
hahaa
The point of all this jabber is: Let's not be sad. Let's really try to not doubt our abilities, and let's believe that we are capable of making things better in our lives. Changing behavior is the hardest thing to do- and I have made a practice of being such a little bitch to myself... but taking care of #1 and knocking out the jerky thoughts is so important. Just punch 'em out! ASSHOLES!!!!
:)

2011 will be my year of kindness. Not only to the people and world around me, but to myself too.

Happy 2011!

what is purple & needs a pedicure?

2010-11-30T20:38:00.001-08:00

this photograph has a purpose.

it is to remind me of something very important:
be mindful & SLOW the F DOWN!!

Drunken Reminder #49

2010-11-28T18:31:00.001-08:00

Bistro St Germain Haight & Fillmore yummy French Tapas.

new friends, gumbo, chimay &

2010-11-26T16:08:00.001-08:00

an Ocean Beach Sunset.

ventured from the polksac and discovered rainbows

2010-11-21T01:40:00.001-08:00

440. the castro. drunkiness. happy Kieran!

Lest we forget the devotion of Captain Frederick Wentworth....

2010-11-13T16:27:00.001-08:00

"I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these ten days, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in F. W.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return hither, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father's house this evening or never.

Captain Wentworth to Anne Elliot"
— Jane Austen (Persuasion)

Walking down the hill with the rain in my face

2010-11-07T11:26:00.001-08:00

Here we are, the first day of Daylight Savings Time. I woke up at 7:30- thought about sleeping more, but actually felt pretty awake. The rain was tapping on my window, and the light was beckoning me to climb down that ladder and start this day with a lovely cup of tea.
I caught the latest episode of The X Factor, squealed, cried and was a little perplexed bordering on annoyed- Wagner? Reaaaally??- but loved it all. The rain is still falling, more tea is in the kitchen, whispering my name with that lovely accent.
It was 10:00.
I've already been up for hours... what to do?
I put on my boots and my coat, purposefully leaving my umbrella behind.
A walk in the rain... for pleasure!
NOW. This is quite a big deal... working in a crap neighborhood for so many years made me not enjoy walking in San Francisco. Too much completely undesirable human traffic... I was just not interested in taking walks for fun because it always involved something gross.
Yes, I took a pleasure walk in the rain.
I had this idea that I wanted to go to Wags and see the doggies- but I wasn't sure if they'd be open....

Look at the "Nana" dog, looking up at me! I love dogs. They always make my day better.
Went to Cheese Plus, got some Yorkshire Gold (drinking it now, mmmm) stopped at Millers for a breakfast. Hair like a wet mop, coat soaked, and boots that happily found themselves to puddles. I kept walking even though I was close to home; up Sacramento to Leavenworth just so I could walk back down it and feel the rain in my face.
Why do I feel compelled to record the events of this morning?
I feel pretty good. I've had some uncertainty with stuff lately... but I believe I made the right choice for myself, and I'm experiencing positive changes already.
The rain washes so much away- it cleans the air, the streets ... and sometimes,when the sky is grey, you really can see things much more vividly.

waking up with the sun

2010-11-04T07:21:00.001-07:00

Don't forget to tip your Barista

2010-10-26T07:43:00.001-07:00

My new view... not a crackhead in sight!

good morning

2010-10-24T09:54:00.001-07:00

My kind of scene.

an adynaton of sorts

2010-10-21T16:24:00.001-07:00

the week of the flying pig: impossibilities can become reality...
what's next?

5 Blocks up and a whole new deal

2010-10-16T17:28:00.001-07:00

Rested myself for a bit on a bench in the sun. Huntington Park; Grace Cathedral standing right there in front of me, all big and holy. I saw 4 Priests on my way up- I always want to ask Priests if they watch "Father Ted"...

haha I never have.
Lovely up there though, lots of dogs playing... ohh I can't wait til I can have my own doggie. There was one of these:

My favorite! No pooping though.
Anyway, it was a lovely interlude for a Saturday afternoon. Breezy and Autumny light, just perfect.

♥ ☼ ♪ ♥ ☽ ✰ ♥

2010-10-05T17:22:00.001-07:00

Happiness is:

★a zipcar with a fastpass and ipod adapter.
★sunny skies,windows down, new Ben Folds; he says "Fuck" a lot!
★the anticipation of knowing I get to do what I love.
★a session for a job that I thought was long gone but not forgotten.
★Saying, "Kick rocks" to all that uncertainty & lack of confidence.
★taking chances where i doubted the existence of possibility and rebuilding my ideas of what I *think* I can experience.
★ ★ ★ realizing that it's totally possible for me to attain what I thought was only available to others.

In this moment, happiness has prevailed.

♥

hello fog, i love you ♥

2010-09-30T17:50:00.001-07:00

A view from the top

2010-09-25T15:34:00.001-07:00

Relaxing weekend... just back from Oakland and the really stuffy BART... now on the breezy Cable Car, home again.
Hanging out with Shawna and Kat last night was wonderful. Delicious dinner, conversation ranging from laughter to tears, and a bit of alcohol all equaled a lovely evening.
Sitting on their balcony this morning, drinking tea and watching the world go by, feeling warm and relaxed was the antidote for a shit week.
Sometimes I forget how good it feels to just stop, breathe and sit in the sun.

I stepped out for a burrito and was embraced by the mist ♥

2010-09-16T19:16:00.001-07:00

Foggy night in the PolkSac.

Mmm... tomatoey

2010-09-16T13:41:00.001-07:00

It's really rare for me to go out to lunch, but today was a special day. Presenting: Heirloom Tomato salad at The Creamery... Yummy & beautiful.

my morning corner

2010-09-08T08:30:00.001-07:00

It's a beautiful morning in the TL!

You're only as old as you feel, right?

2010-09-03T15:15:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is my birthday... it feels like a big one. It's called the "late 30's". Really late.
(gulp)
I never thought much about how I would be when I got older.
I never thought I'd be married or have kids, I always kinda knew I'd be doing my own thing.
I never thought I'd be an actor. Shit, I never thought I'd be doing anything having to do with performing.
Never say never, I guess. At least about the acting stuff.
I'm feeling pretty reflective and also just wishing sometimes that I were more of a "real adult".
As in:
Having enough money to pay bills and be social
Not letting the "J Crew couples" brimming with happiness make me feel like a loser for being single
Feeling like I know what I'm doing in general!

I guess that's kinda it (haha)... and as I was typing this I realized that these things are fixable... I need to change my finances in a major way, and that means I need a different day job. I can do this.
As for the "Happy J Crew couples".... it's all bullshit anyway, isn't it?
Truthfully though- does anyone really know what they're doing?
Am I just being too hard on myself? (cuz I never do that....)

Tomorrow at a bit half past 2, I will be 38.
(deep breath)
I'm a late bloomer. It makes me crazy! I think when I turn 40 (omg) I'll be so ready for the world.
The growing pains are totally kicking my ass right now. I'm so over it!!!!!
I don't want to let the number get to me... that's all it is.
Most people think I'm in my late 20's anyway, and truth be told, I feel like I am in a lot of ways.

Tomorrow I'm gonna party like I'm turning 28, with all the wisdom of being 38.

Wasted reminder to myself via Danny Coyle's loo

2010-08-26T22:09:00.001-07:00

There's something about Bernard Black.

i mean, look at it!

2010-08-26T20:27:00.001-07:00

Yeeeeeessss.

and that is why i stumble to my knees

2010-08-23T23:42:00.001-07:00

What a day. Up at 6, a ride to the airport in a fancy towncar (courtesy of Ariadne who was going to the airport for a trip to Seattle), fly to LA, meet Stephanie and Tony (who were so lovely by guiding me through a crazy schedule in an unfamiliar place) a session unlike anything I've ever done- definitely the most challenging so far- a pick up and drop off at LAX again. Fly back to San Francisco. Catch the Super Shuttle. Get to The Warfield by 8:30! Drink a delicious beer, probably the best one I've tasted in awhile, and watch and sing with one of my most favorite bands in the WHOLE WIDE world!!!
This is a day that I will not forget. One of the best days.

A Crowded House

2010-08-23T20:52:00.001-07:00

I made it! A whirlwind day, seeing great friends, doing the job I love most, and finishing it up with Crowded House at The Warfield. My voice is shot, (not that it will stop me from singing) but there's a bright full moon out & I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

extreme voice acting

2010-08-23T17:53:00.001-07:00

So exhilarated, so exhausted, so happy, & soo ready for a nap. Being possessed, electrocuted, vaporized & oh yea, having my throat slashed by aliens takes a lot out of a person. What a day!

a $60 Burger. wtf!

2010-08-16T16:52:00.001-07:00

I had never been to such a casual-ish restaurant with such an extravagant display of meat before. Kobe beef and Foie Gras? Hot damn.
I did not eat this burger. I was actually quite shocked by its opulence and countless fat content. Burger Bar was super good though, & maybe someday when I have $60 to spare on one meal item and feel like maybe I need to eat a shitload of fattiness, I'll try this burger. Perhaps I will invite you to eat some ostentatious meatfat with me. The place is rad though, and it was a lovely day to look out on a sunny Union Square with a lifelong, super rad friend.

stuck in the middle of the "greening"

2010-08-13T16:59:00.001-07:00

seems to me we could use a lot more green around this city. there's plenty of "manure" on the sidewalks of the TL to do some serious fertilizing :)

just cuz it's wrapped in bacon doesn't mean you should eat it

2010-08-13T14:04:00.001-07:00

But if ya pull it, it's a whole other deal.

Prelude to a brilliant surprise

2010-08-11T14:40:00.001-07:00

When I took this photo of my dirty ass Vans on Muni I had no idea of the happiness that would arrive in my inbox in a few short hours. I found out that I booked my *FIRST* L.A. job! All I'll say is that it's a video game, and I ain't playin no Kid! It's a huge moment for me; I haven't been down to Los Angeles since I graduated from The American Academy of Dramatic Arts in 1994. Lots has changed, but I'm sure lots is the same. I'm still pretty floored. I really hope things are on the up and up from this point on. I'm so thankful!!
P.S. I was totally wearing my Monkey socks which have *totally* proven over & over that they are for reals totally good luck.
I love this feeling!!!!

Let's Play!! (put away those cigarettes)

2010-08-06T15:08:00.001-07:00

I had a call back at LeapFrog today, playing the character I didn't think I did very well with, so that was a very cool surprise. It was warm and sunny across the Bay and I got to sing too! Such a lift, such a fantastic way to end a long week fueled by cold medicine, kleenex and a voice that more closely resembled Kathleen Turner. As a voice actor who doesn't book based on a deep, womanly sound, it was a little stressful. I'm so happy to be back to myself again, doing what I love... very thankful for my health and the things I'm capable of doing when I feel my best. Don't forget to play!!!

swingin to the sky

2010-07-30T19:14:00.001-07:00

the porn way

2010-07-30T18:13:00.001-07:00

say i wanted to own a sleazy looking massage parlor on the edge of the Tenderloin, and say
i spelled my name with 2 k's, a.k.a. "the porn way"... how lucky would i be: it's already there!

it's a beauty

2010-07-28T20:18:00.001-07:00

I'm helping out my friend lovely Ameena with my Virgo style organizational skills. She and her super rad painter husband Kris live in a place with an amazing view.... what a treat! Organizing paperwork, drinking tea and talking about all sorts of crazy shit. A day that started out rough but finished wonderfully. Things aren't always as they appear, and this is a lesson I still need to learn. I'm thankful for the turnaround I made today, happy to know that as shitty as things start, they can finish a whole heckuvalot better.

Power outage means you can't toast it

2010-07-22T10:33:00.001-07:00

Power outage!

starry night polksac style

2010-07-20T21:43:00.000-07:00

Tennessee Valley Squigglevision

2010-07-18T10:31:00.001-07:00

My Loves: Ariadne, Shawna & Kat. A magical day in a beautiful place; one I will never forget.

Big moment

2010-07-14T15:49:00.001-07:00

I try to do things by myself, but this was a tough one. These lovely instruments of happiness were sitting in boxes, glaring at me- making faces and mean growly noises for ignoring them. Taunting me with their power- the power that was for me, if I would just stop being such a little bitch.
Cissy, my lovely superstar voice acting pal came over today and helped me get it going... I love the sight of it and I feel pretty excited to learn more.
Being down in the dumps, having doubts about just about everything was getting tired.
The good news?
When I see a microphone, I see possibilities... so many amazing paths to take, so many interesting choices to make.
This is just what I needed today.

muggy foggy stinky & sticky

2010-07-12T17:40:00.001-07:00

yea, that about sums it up.

streetheart

2010-07-05T12:31:00.001-07:00

It could be right under your nose

2010-07-03T12:06:00.001-07:00

McDonald Avenue. Life seems perfect over here.

breathing is good.

2010-07-01T16:11:00.001-07:00

I wish you could breathe this in too.

live it.

2010-07-01T15:20:00.001-07:00

Good Morning Hostellers!

2010-06-29T07:36:00.001-07:00

Ivy's Place pre- ravagement

Candy!

2010-06-19T22:46:00.001-07:00

Candyland at The Cinch. Drunkiness at its sweetest.

I just couldn't stop myself.

2010-06-19T15:31:00.000-07:00

I ate the Red Velvet already. yumeee

Спасибо Саша

2010-06-17T16:19:00.001-07:00

Yep. I need a girly fix. Picked the polish cuz it has a rad name. "Sasha". Practically every dude i met in the USSR was tagged this velvety label. Plus, it's a rad shade of red & i'm feelin sassy like a Sasha. What better name for red polish than a sexy traditional Russian name?
Thank you Sasha.

a perfect dork with lots of sweets, just for me!!!

2010-06-16T12:38:00.001-07:00

Thank you Erina!! You know me really well.
What a rad surprise package, and so full of promise :)
The chocolate is lovely- and you also gave me activities!! So, all I gotta do is put the Dork and "Mr. Perfect Man" in water and they grow. Simple enough.
Funny thing? The Dork grows 600% his size, while "Mr. Perfect Man" only grows 3-4 times his size...
Interesting.

World Cup cake for Breakfast!

2010-06-16T07:53:00.001-07:00

Arjen's AANUALLEN! cake. Orangey & delicious.

my kind of shopping

2010-06-14T16:57:00.001-07:00

FYI: i do not love shopping. However, I will support my friends in this task. Yea, it helps to be a little tipsy... Anthropologie is lovely if you have a gazillion dineros, alas,I do not.
Whatever. 2 margaritas at the Gold Dust & I'm up for almost anything. For now I'll just chill on the gazillion dollar couch.

can you think of anything better to do on a Monday afternoon?

2010-06-14T14:59:00.001-07:00

Gold Dust Margarita Happy Hour time

Toasted on Polk

2010-06-08T13:51:00.001-07:00

Yep, there certainly are some frightening sights over here... he's lucky he didn't get burned!

the bay, the beer and a friday cruise

2010-05-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

Corona with an extra juicy lime just tastes better out here...

i'm getting outta here

2010-05-21T15:44:00.001-07:00

i'm taking the ferry to outdoorsy happiness

Go ahead, you can laugh all you want cuz I got my philosophy

2010-05-16T22:53:00.001-07:00

can i love him anymore? BRILLIANT show

goin to see my mama

2010-05-09T11:03:00.001-07:00

My wheels for 5 hours

oh, the places they've been!

2010-05-08T15:09:00.001-07:00

i have shoes that i bought for adventure, for work, for just being cute or because they were a super rad color.

look at them now; all jumbled in the closet. poor soles.

spencer for hire

2010-05-06T18:50:00.001-07:00

shots for us at the kozy kar in the polksac. This place is a trip- waterbeds & bucket seats for bar stools.

Posole is people

2010-05-05T12:11:00.001-07:00

Ok, not anymore, but back in the day in Mexico, the bad guys used to get their hearts torn out in a ritual sacrifice- and then the rest of their bad guy parts were put into this delicious concoction.

We were lucky at work today- Elva and Yvonne made Huevos Rancheros for breakfast and Posole for lunch. Happy hostellers and happy staff. Feliz Cinco de Mayo, people eaters!

Recording 101

2010-05-04T12:29:00.001-07:00

Here we go....

My equipment has arrived and now it's time to learn how the heck to use it. So exciting! Rules will be made, routines will be established. This may be a challenge, but I'm ready!!!

mind over matter

2010-05-01T19:58:00.001-07:00

i'm on a 3 1/2 hour bus ride, mildly hungover from afternoon Tecates & now stuck in traffic.
i really really have to pee.
we finally make it onto the Golden Gate Bridge, journeying into my favorite time of the day. the twilight is calling in the night brilliantly.

ode to flakes

2010-04-28T12:15:00.001-07:00

I'm not a fan of human flakes, but Cadbury Flakes are a whole different scoop.

my night at the Symphony

2010-04-26T23:01:00.001-07:00

I had a dream for a long time that I wanted to sing with an orchestra, to be on the stage in some sort of a dressy number, singing all the songs from characters I love. I've lost it for awhile- but I want to get that goal back again. Tonight it was Audra McDonald on that stage, and it was one of the most incredible experiences for me to sit and listen to her, watch her commit with each moment, singing from deep in her soul. As soon as she opened her mouth, my tears came out. They kept coming and coming, tears flowing for admiration, inspiration and love for something that I don't do enough- hardly at all for the last 5 years or so. Ugh that makes me sad.
Song after song, it intensified.... sometimes I feel really embarrassed about how deep my emotions are- I am not good at hiding how I feel at all. But you know what? It's me! I'm not a faker and I'm not gonna change. Screw that! It's my heart coming through, and I am so glad I have one that feels unabashedly. I believe that when you sing, your soul is speaking- and sometimes, our souls need to be heard! I just can't describe enough what this meant to me. I am so moved by the 2 hours I got to share in her world tonight. I want to keep my dreams alive, really work on stifling the horrible doubts and self consciousness, and just sing!

the scene is set...

2010-04-24T20:04:00.001-07:00

Make out!

burrito time

2010-04-24T12:23:00.001-07:00

Pancho's es muy yummy

420 in the polksac: a celebratory herbiness in the air

2010-04-20T18:38:00.001-07:00

polk street is buzzin & the clouds are feelin the vibe

me me meee day!

2010-04-16T12:36:00.001-07:00

me.now.... happiness

Just nature. That's really all I needed.

2010-04-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Damn. I love Sonoma County. Bay Hill Road is my favorite ... Cows, sheep and all you hear is the wind & birds hitching a glide on it. Just what the soul needs.

i wish i could've napped

2010-04-15T13:01:00.001-07:00

The view from the 101(bus & freeway), beautiful despite the narration by the crazy man mumbling incessantly behind me.

Stellaaaaaaaaaaaa!! I'm callin' you out!

2010-04-03T21:37:00.001-07:00

For Cathy & Marce... just want to do what i can to help!
I can't wait til she's popped out and we can all teach her about the world. I hope she comes soon! Congratulations you guys- you're gonna be just great, she is a lucky kid. ♥

toothy grin and a bleeding heart

2010-04-01T17:24:00.001-07:00

At first glance, you may look at this picture and say, "oh look at the happy mailbox man with a big grin and heart, aww so sweet."

In reality, I believe this mailbox man to be crazy. His heart is bleeding & he has a leaky eye. It also appears that his neck is severed and this really freaks me out. He is a drueler. eww. Mister Postal lives on Geary Street- right in the Tenderloin, so you can avoid him if you're scared.
"Oh Nicki", you may be saying to yourself, "you really need to shut down that imagination of yours regarding inanimate objects."
Perhaps I should. I'm only trying to raise awareness for the rest of the world about dangerous immovable and deceptively non threatening objects! I do it for you.
There is something else you should know: this mental metal postal box guy emanates a very strong urine scent, so I bet you would agree with me completely: He is insane and possibly a zombie. I will say that he is in the right place to be a crazy, big grinned, maniacal mailbox dude. So good for him on that! This may be just the place for him to cackle wickedly as you pass by, peeing himself because that's all he can do, stuck there on an increasingly stinky corner.
He will try to get into your soul! He sees all and knows all and he will taunt your dreams!

i'm grumpy but it's pretty

2010-04-01T07:43:00.002-07:00

TL sunrise

for about an hour, my hairs were straight

2010-03-30T16:07:00.001-07:00

Oooo dark clouds of a foreboding nature prevail above Ladytown...(is that a shark?)

I made it to the voice over study group this afternoon, finally! There was a lot of catching up, pep talks, and discussions on the technical aspect of not being technical. I went to a place that has come to be known as Ladytown with a Stanford Hospital script- commercial copy is something I am working on more and more. Today I really realized how much physical energy I put into a character script, but when I go to "Ladytown" (and I take the right route to get there) I feel so relaxed. It feels really good to step out of my comfort zone- the funny thing is, when I first started studying Voice Acting I was terrified of character work- now it's where I spend most of my time. Vacations in Ladytown are great, but in the future I wanna stay a whole lot longer.

Ethiopian food, creative line dancing & too many Red Stripes

2010-03-19T21:30:00.001-07:00

Waziema = delicious.
Headed across the street to see Joe Bagale at The Independent with some of my favorite friends. Yea, we danced. We drank. We were absolutely goofy & so good at it. Fantastic night!

naptime

2010-03-19T14:03:00.001-07:00

Keep it quiet Santa Rosa!

Mighty Pirate Hunter indeed!!

2010-03-19T09:33:00.001-07:00

She did it!!!

The whole city is wasted

2010-03-17T15:23:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Polk Street is pretty rad to peruse on a sunny day

2010-03-11T17:40:00.000-08:00

Mmmm... Nick's Crispy Tacos & Nicki's "adios" Margarita
You know what else? There's a Rice Pudding Shop... I got Coconut with Chocolate Ganache. sooo good.

before the rain

2010-03-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

Pretty sky above Sacramento Street

Willow, Poppy and the Honey

2010-02-27T14:32:00.000-08:00

Ahhh... Sonoma County after the rain. So fresh- the dirt and trees and bugs! So many bugs!! It's nice.
I'm on a break from being a car magnet for the weekend, hanging up in Santa Rosa with my Mom. Honey and I took a nice long walk today to soak in all the newness of the day.
Along our route, we walk through some country streets: best part of the walk, smells so good. Lots of puddles and worms and mud. Interesting stuff for a rambunctious dog!Fun for me too.
The last few tours of the hood I've enjoyed with Honey, I've noticed that she is quite enamored with farm animals. Along the way we encounter a Shetland Pony and 2 Billy goats- but across the street from the Billys, it's quite obvious who she really wants to see: Willow and Poppy. These adorable Nigerian Dwarf goats live beneath a giant Evergreen, one of those kid's plastic playhouses in the background. When we arrived, they were both standing on top of the house. omg so fricking cute.
Honey LOVES these goats! She goes nuts. Seriously freaks out with joy! I think it's because she was born on a Dairy in Petaluma. Who cares! It's so cute! They come to the fence, and today she smooched Willow on top of her head... but then Poppy started freaking out, meeeeeeeehhhing like cuuh-razy so I got her collected and we made our way up the street called Benjamins.
Lovely day, wonderful weekend away.

Normally I'm a tea drinker but....

2010-02-24T20:38:00.000-08:00

Turkish caffeinated deliciousness

Turkish apps (not available for iPhone)

2010-02-24T19:24:00.000-08:00

Yuuuuuum... the dolmas were delicious. I gotta go to this place more often!

Efes is a Turkish delight

2010-02-24T19:09:00.000-08:00

Mmmm Efes